Alarm chime goes off whenever I open the door - lights aren't on, key isn't in ignition, I have not idea what the alarm is trying to tell me

put key in ignition turn it on off for 4 times and u hear a chime and press any button

Sounds like the security system is armed. It is designed to disable the starter. If you don't have a key fob for the alarm, try locking and un-locking the driver's door with the key to disarm. If that doesn't work, look for a very small black button or toggle switch that will either be taped to wiring under the driver's side or the dash, or mounted to the very bottom of the dash above the driver's legs.

you may have a bad switch which is located on the latch asm

Key in ignition chime ?
Saturn L-Series ?????? L what ? L100 ,L200 , L300
Audible Warnings
The body control module (BCM) will provide an audible warning for various events relating to the vehicle. The functions that provide an audible warning are the key in ignition, the lights on, the occupant restraint (seat belt) and the park brake.
Key in the Ignition Audible Chime
The BCM will provide an audible chime if the key is left in the ignition in either OFF or the accessory position with the driver's door open. The chime rate for this is 150 chimes per minute. The key in the ignition chime has a higher priority than the lights on chime.
Lights on Audible Chime
The BCM will provide an audible chime if the park lights are on and the driver's door is open. In addition, 1 or 2 other conditions exist. The key is out of the ignition, or the key is in the ignition in the OFF position, and has not been turned. The BCM will chime at a rate of 200 chimes per minute until the conditions are removed.
Occupant Restraint Audible Chime
The BCM will provide an audible chime based on the class II message received from the SDM if the driver's seat belt is not buckled when the ignition is turned to run or crank. The chime rate for this feature is 50 chimes per minute.
Park Brake Audible Chime
The BCM will provide an audible chime for park brake when the park brake is applied and the vehicle speed is higher that 3 mph. The chime rate for this feature is 200 chimes per minute.

You can't disconnect anything . The problem has to be fixed .

The BCM will provide an audible chime for park brake when the park brake is applied and the vehicle speed is higher that 3 mph. The chime rate for this feature is 200 chimes per minute.
Audible Warnings (Chime)
Chime Rate Per Minute
Key in the Ignition Audible Chime
150
Lights on Audible Chime
200
Occupant (Seat Belt) Restraint Audible Chime
50
Park Brake Audible Chime
200
Content Theft Pre-Alarm Audible Chime
200
Telltale Chimes
The body control module (BCM) will provide 4 chimes for each telltale activation per ignition cycle, at a rate of 150 or 200 chimes per minute. The chimes are limited to 1 chime event per telltale for each ignition cycle. The power up telltale function will not activate the telltale chime function. If the telltale becomes active during a cycle then the chime will sound.
The following telltales will activate the chime function:
• Low Washer Fluid
• Change Oil Soon Indicator
• Brake Fluid Low
• Oil Pressure Low
• Coolant Temperature Hot
• Low Coolant Level
• Low Fuel Level
• Antilock Brake System
• Volts Light (Generator)
• Supplemental Inflatable Restraint System (Air Bag)
• Trunk or Hatch Ajar

Having the vehicle checked for DTC'S - diagnostic trouble code's in the BCM would be the first step in the diagnostic procedure .
DTC B2965
When the ignition key is seated in the ignition switch, the key-in-ignition switch contacts the close, grounding circuit 80. The body control module (BCM) monitors the state of the key-in-ignition switch, the state of the ignition switch (OFF, ACC, or RUN) and the driver's door to control the key-in-ignition chime.

if your just programming the fob to the module and it has not been replaced and your just needing a manual reset,then follow the folowing procedure:

1 Insert key into ignition
2 Turn key to 'I"
3 Turn key "II" and back to 'I' quickly 4 times
4 Alarm system will chime once when key is back to 'I' for the
fourth time
5 Remove key from ignition
6 Press any button on each key fob and alarm system will chime
for each fob if it has been programmed correctly
7 Press unlock/lock/trunk etc to make sure everything works

Sorry you can't disconnect it. you should be able to reprogram it though. look in your owners manual. most are programmed threw the radio controls.

Sometimes the ignition key does not "deactivate" when removing the key...try wiggling the washer behind where the key goes...sometimes this sticks...:)

I just found out that the problem on our 1998 windstar was the chime switch attached to the ignition switch. This chime switch when dislodged will short and act as if the keys are still on when the door is open ( thus sounding off the alarm). I had a hunch that the problem was close to the steering wheel because the alarm would stop if I change the angle of the steering wheel a couple of notches up or down. I guess when i did that the chime switch that i'm pertaining to get reset to the right position and stops the alarm. when i opened up the steering wheel housing around the ignition , the chime switch fell, it had a blk wire I think, and I saw that the clips on it were kind of melted thus not sticking to its right position. I just had to remove the ignition switch for a while and replaced the chime switch with the help of a zip tie wrapped around it. then I placed every part back together and no chimes... also I did this all while the battery was disconnected because i needed the ignition switch to be in the on position to get it off the steering wheel. Good luck guys!

The key switch usually breaks or wears out and makes contact. It is on the lock cylinder. This would cause the chime to not come on, or stay on. Sounds like the switch is bad.

1997 F-150/250 Warning Chime, Key-In-Ignition The key-in-ignition chime warns that the key is still in the ignition when the driver's door is ajar. The key-in-ignition warning chime will sound when:

• GEM: Driver door is ajar, the ignition switch is in the OFF/LOCK or ACC position and the keys are in the ignition.
• CTM: Driver door is ajar, the ignition switch is in the OFF/LOCK, ACC or RUN position and the keys are in the ignition.

The key-in-ignition warning chime will stop sounding when:

• Driver door is closed.
• Key is removed from the ignition.
• GEM: Ignition switch is switched to the RUN position.

The key-in-ignition warning chime inputs are:

• Ignition switch RUN position (battery potential on both RUN and RUN/ACC inputs).
• Ignition switch ACC position (battery potential on RUN/ACC input only).
• Key-in-ignition switch (grounded with key-in-ignition, open circuit with key-out).
• LH door ajar switch (open circuit with door closed, grounded with door ajar).

This is a pic for a 98, could not find one for 97 which may be the older style which is more prone to break.