I can't train my dog

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The easiest way to teach your puppy is with treat and a firm sense of authority. Dogs automatically follow orders from the "alpha Male/Female" and you must be sure that your puppy knows at a young age that person is you, not the dog. In order to establish this authority, you must do things like make your puppy sit before he gets his meal or sit before you let him on the couch. If you catch your puppy doing something bad, like chewing up your daughter's doll for instance, do not EVER hit your puppy. Raise your voice, do not yell, and make a noise to grab attention like an "EH, EH!" sound. Then when the puppy looks at you say no, don't do that, etc.
Another form of teaching your puppy you are in charge is to train him to sit, stay, lay down, and shake. Get a jerky-type doggie treat, one that will rub the smell in your hand, and break it apart. Then with a demanding tone say, "Sit." As you say this, put the treat in your hand and ball your hands into a fist. Put your fist by his nose and let him follow your hand backwards till he is sitting. If he stands up make that noise I told you about above and retry. Now when your dogs is sitting, give him the treat and say, "Good sit." This way your dog knows what he did correctly. Just saying good boy to your dog is good, but your dog will be thinking, "Yeah I know I'm a good boy, but what did I do?"! Do the same technique with any other tricks you want to make your dog do. This will help the dog understand that you are the one calling the shots.
If your dog has a problem with barking, the best way to overcome this problem is:
1. Figure out WHY your dog is barking.
2. If it is not a good reason (eg. cat is in yard, someone's walking by the house), wait until your dog starts to bark, grab a spray bottle filled with water and spray it directly between the eye. This won't harm your dog, just startle him. The dog will think oh I don't want that to happen again and won't bark as much.
3. When you leave your house try not to sound anxious. The dog will think you are expecting him to do something and will end up barking or tearing up the house! A majority of the time dogs tear up the house 20 minutes after you leave or 20 minutes before you come home (if you come home around the same time everyday, your dog will know your schedule). So, as you leave, put your dog outside and leave.
4. WALK YOUR DOGS!!! Dogs need to get out every once in a while and explore! If you do this two times a day for an hour or more each time, they will be too tired to bark or tear up your house!