How the heck do I simply take a delayed photo from a tripod so I can be in the photo...who do you set the timer? ....or can this camera even take a delayed photo?

This is GENERAL INFO for most small sensor CoolPix Cameras. You should use ISO 400 or LOWER. Any ISO over 400 will have Grain in you photos. If it is dark you need a tripod or surface to place the camera on with self timer.

You get ugly GRAIN with HIGH ISO... You get lots of NOISE with long shutter speed. I can take Good Photos at night (when I use a tripod) with ISO at 400. I can take 1 second exposures and they look fine. You cannot take good night photo without a tripod.

Press the self-timer button located just right of the LCD control panel and confirm that the one-handed clock shows on the panel. Full details are in the "Self-Timer Operation" section on page 40 of the manual. If you need a manual you may download a copy from here.

Hi Susan, and welcome to FixYa-
I have had the exact problem that you are describing, albeit a different make and model of camera. Here's how I solved my issue:
I grabbed the nearest heavy object and smashed the camera....
No, but seriously, try this:
The S700 has the standard "Scene Selector" knob on the top. Make sure that this is NOT pointed toward (set to) the "Self Timer" option. The icon for this, on the camera's body, looks similar to the "Auto" setting icon.
The S700 has 3 timer modes: a 10 second delay, 2 second delay and a "Double" mode wherein the camera waits 10 seconds, takes one picture then, after an additional 2 second delay, will take a second picture. The delay must be selected by the user and will appear in your LCD viewing screen. Prior to taking a test picture, look in the display screen to see if any numbers appear. If you see any, you know that the camera is in the Self Timer mode. Simply rotate the button on top of the camera to the "Auto" icon and you'll be all set.
Good luck, and let us know how you go!

Manual:
http://www.kodak.com/global/plugins/acrobat/en/service/manuals/urg01041/C182_xUG_GLB_en.pdf

Page 11

Using the self-timer
Use the self-timer when you want to be included in a picture, or to ensure a steady
Shutter button press. Place the camera on a tripod or flat surface.
1 In any picture-taking mode, press the Info button to turn on the shortcut icons.
2 Press to highlight the self-timer icon. Press to choose a setting:
10 seconds- A picture is taken after a 10-second delay (so you have time
to get into the scene).
2 seconds- A picture is taken after a 2-second delay (for a steady, shutter
release on a tripod).
2 shot- The first picture is taken after a 10-second delay. A second picture
is taken 8 seconds later.
3 Compose the scene. Press the Shutter button halfway, then completely down.
The camera takes the picture/pictures after the delay.
Use the same procedure to take a 2- or 10-second self-timer video, but press the
Shutter button completely down.

You set the self timer with the round rocker switch on the back of the camera. Press the icon on the left side, the little clock shape. One press for 10 seconds delay, again for 2 seconds, again to cancel (icon will show on screen). Then press the shutter button- the shutter will fire after the delay.

Hi, Follow these steps:
1. In any Still mode, tap Settings to open the Settings panel.
2. Tap Self-Timer/Burst repeatedly, until the desired Self-timer icon appears at the bottom of the LCD: 10 seconds—A picture is taken after a 10-second delay (so you have time to get into the scene). 2 seconds—A picture is taken after a 2-second delay (for a steady, auto-shutter release on a tripod). 2 shot—The first picture is taken after a 10-second delay. A second picture is taken 8 seconds later.
3. Compose the scene. Press the Shutter button halfway, then completely down. The camera takes the picture/pictures

hi... try this method

1 In any Still mode, tap Settings to open the Settings
panel.
2 Tap Self-Timer/Burst repeatedly, until the desired
Self-timer icon appears at the bottom of the LCD:
10 seconds—A picture is taken after a 10-second
delay (so you have time to get into the scene).
2 seconds—A picture is taken after a 2-second
delay (for a steady, auto-shutter release on a
tripod).
2 shot—The first picture is taken after a 10-second
delay. A second picture is taken 8 seconds later.
3 Compose the scene. Press the Shutter button halfway, then completely down.
The camera takes the picture/pictures after the delay....

thank u

1 In any Still mode, tap Settings to open the Settings
panel.
2 Tap Self-Timer/Burst repeatedly, until the desired
Self-timer icon appears at the bottom of the LCD:
10 seconds—A picture is taken after a 10-second
delay (so you have time to get into the scene).
2 seconds—A picture is taken after a 2-second
delay (for a steady, auto-shutter release on a
tripod).
2 shot—The first picture is taken after a 10-second
delay. A second picture is taken 8 seconds later.
3 Compose the scene. Press the Shutter button halfway, then completely down.
The camera takes the picture/pictures after the delay.

Any number of things. 
Low ISO. No Flash. No tripod. Too little light. No "shake" correction on the camera. 
Depending on the goal of the photo, you may wish to use a tripod. Or use the flash. Or use a higher ISO (400+). Or any combination of these. 
The easiest thing to do would be to make sure you use a flash. If you're trying to take a photo of something without the flash, you'll have to use a tripod. And even then, if something is moving fast through the frame, it'll likely be blurry. You simply need more light.
If you're new to digital cameras, I recommend the automatic settings. There's an "action" mode which usually has a man running as an icon. Or someone in motion. Some cameras even have settings for use at night or in darker rooms. Try those. 
If you feel comfortable, you could manually bump the ISO up to 400 and try again. Your photo may be a little "grainer" and will probably look a bit ugly blown up much over a 5x7, but for 4x6 or anything online, it should be fine. 

Sure, follow these steps...

• Set everyone in an even composition, close together, maybe some standing, some sitting, whatever strikes you as a good picture.
  
• Put the camera on a tripod or other tall article
• Press the Mountain/Macro/Timer button until the (clock/timer) icon is displayed on the viewer. The button to press is just above the MF (Manual Focus letters)
• Press the shutter button all the way down to activate the timer.
• Press once for ten-second delay
• Press twice for three-second delay
• Press a third time to stop the timer
• Jump into the shot! =)

The lamp next to the lens will start to blink and continue until one second before the picture is taken. The lamp will then stay solid during the last second to warn about the picture being taken.

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