How does a n00b get rid of really aggressive pop ups?

Step 1: Get rid of unwanted programs You should remove malware and other programs on your computer that you don't remember installing. You have to uninstall malicious programs before you can get your Chrome settings back to normal.
Windows users: To help find these tricky files, you can download and run the Chrome Cleanup Tool. It's an application that searches your computer for suspicious programs and offers to remove them for you.

• Download the Chrome Cleanup Tool
• Learn more about the Chrome Cleanup Tool

For more help on uninstalling programs from your computer, click one of the links below.

• Windows 8
• Windows 7
• Windows Vista
• Windows XP

Step 2: Reset your browser settings After you have removed malicious programs from your computer, reset your Chrome browser settings. Your current bookmarks and passwords will not change, but you'll need to customize things like your startup page, search engine, and browser theme again.
Note: If you use the Chrome Cleanup Tool, it will take you through the following steps automatically.

1. In the top-right corner of the browser window, click the Chrome menu
2. Select Settings.
3. At the bottom, click Show advanced settings.
4. Under the section "Reset settings," click Reset settings.
5. In the dialog that appears, click Reset.

Learn more about setting your browser settings
Chrome Help Forum.Below is a list of programs that are known to consistently cause changes to Chrome settings.

• Babylon.com
• V9.com
• Qvo6.com
• search.conduit.com
• istartsurf.com
• istart.webssearches.com

Looks like you have a lot of malware
download anti malware bytes, install and run it. It can be downloaded from https://www.malwarebytes.org/

run the scan and it will clear up malware for you