Drums are traditionally seen as noisy instruments that people just want to smash hard. However, the sign of a truly gifted percussionist is the ability to lightly tap the drums. This is a difficult skill to master and it's something that simply comes with practice. Learn some gentle songs and try to play along. Watch other drummers and observe their technique to see how they're able to drum quietly.
The other problem might be the size of your sticks. Have you ever wondered about 5a vs 7a drumsticks
? 5a is what many people will use when they first start drumming but these are actually relatively thick. If you downsize to a 7a, then you'll find it much easier to hit the drums with less force. Try these lighter sticks and see if that helps. You can visit this resource for more advice on drum equipment and how to improve your technique.