I have remote key for bmw x5 and no functions are working can you help andy

Question edited for clarity.

Check the relay.

https://www.google.com/search?q=2003+BMW+X5+fuel+pump+relay

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https://www.bimmer-tech.net/blog/item/24-replacing-your-bmw-remote-key-fob

https://www.bmwofbloomington.com/service/service-tips/program-bmw-key-fob/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFrZecJFksU

https://www.google.com/search?q=Program+replacement+key+fob+2011+BMW+X5

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replace key fob battery. try youtube for procedure

Central lock problem, rear door and trunk don´t open - Xoutpost.com

www.xoutpost.com > ... > BMW SAV Forums > X5 (E53) Forum

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Andy, it sounds to me like your blend door between AC and Heater core is not functioning. Check that you are getting vacuum to the inside of the car thru the firewall from the plastic vacuum reservoir first. If you are, most likely would be at the dash lever/buttons not sending vacuum to said blend doors/flaps.

Try the starter terminals.

Check the battery, or you can reprogram the key yourself.

1. turn the key to on position in car and turn off within 5 sec.
2. hold the arm button (the big one in the center)
3. Press the unlock button three (3) times
4. release the arm button
5. turn key to on position and off within 5 sec.

kettle of hot water works wonders ,keep key warm as the cold can affect the remote when they get too cold the chips loose their function ,if need be try the passenger side but keeping the remote warm should make it work .when its thawed out oil the locks with some engine oil this will keep the damp out that freezes

right i had this ***** of a problem 2nd week in jan 2010. a bmw mechanic told to jack car up at front and hook a jumper pack up to live on starter motor terminal and then earth, was quite hard to put croc clip on to starter but did manage it. this was supposed to back charge to battery to get enough power to open car with remote, in theory it should of worked but i gave up after 3 hours-no power. so i got my key put it in drivers door and mechanically turned to open position, then i got a cutlery knife from kitchen and wrapped some insulation tape around tip up 2-3 inches. then i pushed this down glass directly above door handle key end to pry a gap between glass and rubber just enough to slide coat hanger wire in with small hook on end then i manouvered wire hook until i hooked latch arm which i did within 1 minute pulled coathanger wire up and pulled door handle the door opened much to my delight. this was a major sigh of relief after trying for 2 days to get in, and many hours searching the net for a solution which i couldnt find. THIS WORKS 100 percent WITH ABSOLUTELY NO DAMAGE!!!!!!! any questions email me- [email protected]

you can replace batteries in remote keys.