Wow, complicated. Let's start with the easiest things first, alright? First, the clock. Double-click the time, and manually change it to a.m. or p.m. (depending, of course, on when you're reading this :) To do this, you click on the AM or PM out from the time, and click the up or down arrow beside it. Then click okay. If it changes again after you restart, do this: Double-click the time again, and click the Internet Time tab. Uncheck the box beside "automatically synchronize". One of the computers at work was old and crappy, and this was the only thing that kept the clock on it from screwing up.
Next, the automatic updates. I suggest turning this feature off, because you probably don't need it (it doesn't offer any real added protection or benefits; I've never used automatic updates, and I have no problems at all with my computers). To turn it off, do this: Click Start, click Control Panel, and then double-click Automatic Updates. Now, just click "Turn off Automatic Updates." Or, you could leave them on and manually update by clicking "Notify me but don't automatically install them." Turning them off frees up a little memory so your computer is less slow, but if you prefer leaving Automatic Updates on, this is what you want to do. This way you can choose which updates you want, and when to install them.
Alright, now your browsing problems. I'll assume you're using Internet Explorer. There's no use having this feature to notify you about security certificates turned on, because a lot of sites have this error -- it does not mean they aren't safe, as you pointed out. (Please read the note at the end of this, it's very important.) To turn this stupid notification off, click Tools, Internet Options, and click the Advanced tab. Don't be intimidated by all of this! Scroll down until you see "Check for publisher's certificate revocation". Uncheck the box beside it, and you won't get these warnings anymore.
NOTE: If you don't know whether a website is safe (this is only when submitting important information, like credit card numbers and other personal info you only submit to secure sites), look up beside the address bar (if you're using a new version of Internet Explorer) and you'll see a padlock icon. This means the site is completely secure. You can click the icon to verify this, it will give you a security report. If you're using an old version of Internet Explorer, the padlock icon will be down at the bottom of the screen. To see an example of this icon, go to http://www.paypal.com
and look in either of those areas until you see the padlock. Now you know what to look for! You should always check for this icon when submitting any kind of financial information online!!
This should fix all of your problems. Good luck! Any questions, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
, I'm usually up all night and I'll be happy to clarify anything or help you through the steps.