Dear Thomas Andrew Wade,
You\'re taking life too seriously, and you\'re taking life MUCH too personally
. The fact that you have not seen your father in a decade or so actually has nothing to "do" with you: it is his
pain - and it exceeds yours ten-fold, I promise you.
There is a way of looking at life dispassionately that you must cultivate in order to come to personal resolution with this. Personal resolution is
possible, but you must first understand that the entire situation is 99.99% likely not about you at all.
I am able to see your situation completely dispassionately, Thomas, and I may be an anonymous stranger - or I may well even BE your father
- but I can totally, completely and without reservation guarantee you that it is not "your fault" as you wonder.
"Splitting the sheets" with your mother was likely the most devastating thing that every happened to your father - before OR since.
Even if your mother claims "he just walked out of our lives", or if she pushed him away, it came about because of an incredible amount of pain to both of them.
There was a cost to both of them that is simply incalculable for you to comprehend, especially at this point in your young life.
Neither your mother or your father are going to share that pain with you: they - both - have left you to develop your own, personal private hell about it, and trust me: it ain\'t nuthin" like theirs. You are actually getting off easy, kiddo.
(Thomas, you are posting this to a website that normally deals with "How-To" ideas for broken cars, computers, refrigerators, and the like. I really like that about you: You are saying to the world/asking "Fix THIS, you BAS*ARDS!!!"
. There is no established category for broken lives on FixYa.com, but it is a good one for the site operators to contemplate.
Don\'t get too carried away here, Thomas - just "simmer down" and don\'t do anything rash. If your distresses are too extreme, go to an Emergency Room at the local hospital and they will line you up with immediate assistance, I promise)
That having been said, I applaud your just throwing the problem out into the universe for an answer, and seeing what electrons might stick to the monitor screen.
Now that you are old enough to drink legally, try alcohol and see if that doesn\'t mitigate your pain. If not that, psychological therapy can be a wonderful adjunct to the self-abuse you are now using to try and "fixya".
The chances of you marrying, divorcing and abandoning your own child now stand in the high eighty to ninety percentile, unless you resolve this issue.
Oh - I forgot to add this; ONLY YOU can fix this.
Good news is: YOU can fix this, I promise.
PS - Mom can\'t help you. She hasn\'t been able to in the past, she can\'t do it in the future, Save both of you that pain and don\'t even ask her. Don\'t blame her, don\'t blame your father, and don\'t blame yourself. As you get older, you will understand there is no blame for this situation, no matter the cause.
Oh, and "try these on for size", Thomas - this article was published yesterday:http://www.forbes.com/sites/kevinkruse/2013/05/28/inspirational-quotes/
Good Luck, Kiddo.