Alright so you need to force recovery on the iPhone and Restore it, probably as new
Restoring consists of erasing all data on the iPhone and reinstalling it, there is a chance you will get your information back, but this is the only thing you can do at this point.
Follow this article and it will show you how to force iTunes to recognize your iPhone, without the passcode lock, this will then let you restore it. http://support.apple.com/kb/ht1808
Once the restore is done, it may ask you if you want to load your backup onto the iPhone, keep in mind by trying to use that backup it may ask for the passcode again. For best results, do not load from a backup and choose Restore as a New Device.
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