The main starter relay is on the starter itself, and is called the solenoid. If the car won't start, it could also be the ignition switch or safety switch. If it is an automatic, the safety switch is on the transmission, and only allows starting in neutral or park. If it is a manual transmission, it is usually on the clutch petal pivot.
The best way to tell is with a test light, looking for power at these different components.
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