Ok... So now nothing on the interior is working...
Ok... So I was jumping off my aunts car and her car battery wasn't dead... and now all my interior lights, gauge lights, stereo, tail lights, power windows, power locks, heater/AC, and two out of three cigarette lighters are not working; the one that is working had my radar detector plugged into it during the voltage zap...
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It could very well be that the battery is dead. Did it just stop working? Usually there is an indication that the battery may be dying. When you open your car door, the interior light does not come on?
cam or crank sensor or the ground wire from the battery to the body. Cam and crank sensor will cause the no start but the clicking sounds leads me to believe the little wire running from your battery ground is most likely the cause. if all else the altenator is no longer working and that can go any time
I doubt the service person did anything wrong. In today's cars with both engine and body computers, jump starting a car can be risky. You're better off having the battery charged for an hour or so then trying to start it. You may have to have the body computer scanned and possibly flashed to get everything working again. The body computer controls everything you mentioned. It could have lost some of the factory programming when the system was dead.
I didn't learn a whole lot from your narration but it seems that there is a high probability that something has gone wrong with the charging system. Unless you have a good battery charger and can charge the battery and see if it starts (if it does, it's not fixed but likely you can get it to a good local shop for diagnosis) You cannot charge a battery by jumping it with another vehicle. It won't work and can damage the other vehicle. There is nothing you can do there without the proper meters etc. Otherwise, your best bet is to have it towed to whoever generally works on it and have them take a look at it for you. Good luck!!!
If the battery is dead, the ignition keys will not come out of the ignition cylinder. Don't force the ignition key to ensure you do not damage the pass lock system in your ignition. Jump the battery or replace it to get enough voltage to remove the key's from the ignition and check the fuse box for any blown fuses. Good luck and keep me posted.